The Unfriend (rather like the "un-cola"), 2

Three verses have been driving the direction of this blog for the last couple weeks, and at least another more. Here they are:

A righteous man chooses his friends carefully (Proverbs 12:26a).

Be not deceived, bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor. 15:33).

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers...(1)"

Last week we looked at the first "un-friend": the wicked. 

This week we'll follow a Scripture trail to "spy on" the sinner. 

I struggled with this one, because I. Am. A. Sinner. Romans 3:23 declares me so! Of course, aren't we all!? Every single one of us has "missed the mark," and have followed after our own way, ignoring the Lord. So, reasoning this through, if this be the case, then we can't really develop friendships with anybody. Yet God calls us to be in community. He's the one who declared it wasn't good for man to be alone... That sent me digging a little deeper into this particular passage; and, traipsing after the bread crumbs along the way, I've discovered something that clarifies this a little more specifically. We're warned in Proverbs 1, that sinners can be fairly enticing; and, further on in chapter 16, we're told if we give in to that enticement, the sinner will lead us in a "way that is not good." Looking more closely at the same passage in Proverbs it leads to this characteristic of a sinner: Such are the ways of everyone who is greedy for unjust gain (v. 19). Surprisingly to me, the word sinner is often used synonymously with greedy. 

Here's the big HOWEVER...HOWEVER, greedy isn't used just in terms of gaining more, or hoarding (though that certainly can be an extreme problem). If I'm greedy, I'm unsatisfied, thirsting, discontent...selfish! I don't just want more...I'm not satisfied with what I have, and truly believe I'm deserving of better. As a result, I am constantly looking for ways to fill my emptiness, and others become my hope of salvation, my road to happiness. Obviously, only Jesus fills the Savior-shoes. 

While the wicked have a "voice" problem; the sinners have a "worship" problem (in actuality it is a "me" problem). The wicked can't be trusted; and, the sinners don't know how to love. They tend to love things and use people to their advantage. The letter to the Colossians states it best, when Paul says, "Put to death, therefore, what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry (3:5)."

Those are some pretty harsh words generated for the sinner: greed, selfishness, idolatry. Whatever word you use, it is a seeking after one's own well-being, filling a great need to feel good about oneself. Their's is a me-first attitude, a need to be the one in control, and even, manipulation to that end. The sinner often leaves in his/her wake a long line of hurt individuals who just can't wear Savior-shoes.  Just as with the wicked, past pain is at the heart; but in this individual, add to their hurt, a deep-seated fear that's stemmed from insecurity and loss. The biggest problem is that these folks are hard to identify. They've learned to manage their persona well. They are often funny, sarcastic, enjoyable to be around (until you get to know them better), and they hide behind a socially acceptable mask. Eventually, what's in the heart is shown for what it is for out of the mouth proceeds that which is from the heart. In the end, everything comes back to my-needs-first with this kind of unfriend.

The result is that "Disaster always pursues sinners (Proverbs 23:21)..." and many are "the sorrows of the sinner (Ps 32:10)." To follow after, to "stand with and walk alongside" the sinner, means the same for me. However, rephrasing Psalm 1:1, "Happy is the one who does not follow in the same habits and way of life as the one who loves things and uses people (Peg's paraphrase)..." And by all means, 

"Don't (even) envy the sinner, but continue in the fear (the AWE) of the Lord (Psalm 37:17)!"

Again, before I look around me, I must look inside: Is my conversation always me-driven? Am I a good listener? Do I look to others to make me happy, fill my heart, make me satisfied? Do I want to "hoard friends," and do I seek to keep them just for my benefit? Am I motivated by what is good for me? Do I look for people who help me feel better about myself? Do I frequently hide behind socially acceptable masks? Am I overly critical of others (another symptom)? Do things mean more to me than people? Do I try to control and manipulate situations to benefit me? Am I trying to fix other people's problems for them, rather than be supportive and encouraging? 

Oh, sweet Savior, Jesus, help me to be about the OTHER. May I always follow you, who set for me an example of One-Anothering others, not seeking to maintain even what was in your own rights...