Finding Our Purpose in Insecurity

True confession.

It is my natural tendency to live and battle insecurity.

I can do fake-confidence fairly well, but inside is another story. 

The good news is that when we recognize something that is a weakness, we can deal with it.

As I've mentioned before in other blogs, I have a process I walk through with the Lord and it truly helps me to step into a true-confidence that is based not on comparison or contrast with others; not on what I think about me when I step in front of a mirror; and, definitely not on validation, or no validation (as the case may be), from others.

My journey always takes a walk with a stop at several junctures:

First, a deep look into the heart of my God and my Savior. His character matters. He can't ever be untrue to His character. I remind myself who it is that created me, saved me, and called me. This Lord is the one who also equips. 

..."He cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13b)"

Next, I remember what the Lord says about me and to me (in reality, at the bottom line, this matters far more than what anyone else thinks). He says to me over and over:

"I am His beloved daughter."
"He finds great joy in me."
"He is with me...always...wherever I go and His presence brings me joy I can step into."
"His love is enduring."
"He sees me."
"He provides everything I need."
"He will empower me and give me His Words."

That is only a partial list and I could go on at length. Please add your own to it.

I spend time just worshipping a God who is all this and says all this TO ME! How can I not.

I simply allow Him to fill me up by way of these reminders; and, as I receive HIS TRUTH, I sense the GOD-confidence level rising.

I know whose I am and who I am in Him; and, I trust Him.

This is my prelude to introduce another aspect of John the Baptist's character that is endearing.

This unique and mysterious prophet knew without a shadow of a doubt TO WHOM HE BELONGED and WHO HE WAS.

This is important...

Our purpose on this earthly planet is birthed out of whose we are.

Our calling births our mission, while we're here.

And, finally, out of the mission comes our message.

All of this is true of John...and, what is true for him, we can certainly apply to ourselves.

John's miraculous birth was no accident.

Every birth boasts a miracle (especially in this day and age with abortion statistics skyrocketing).

But, what if?

What if?

What if, John's birth and his story is an invitation for you and I to, also, step into our purpose, our specific mission, and our message?

Actually, I think it is...

Over the next few weeks, let's take a look at what the Lord says about John (there's a few surprise identity truths in there for us to claim, as well)...and learn to walk confidently in our unique purpose, mission and with our very own message...

Odd for God?

When you think of OT prophets - men like Isaiah, Jeremiah, Hosea, Jonah, Elijah - what words come to mind to describe them?

I’ve asked around this week, while in Malta, where I’m preparing to share from God’s Word to some incredible women serving from all over in the Mediterranean (I’ll sprinkle some pictures throughout this post to give a “flavor.”)

Some of these gals agreed that they were all bold.

Others used words like “fiery,” still others gave me a smattering of descriptors:

Courageous.

Weird.

Different.

Hard to understand.

Stubborn.

Unpersonable.

Feisty.

Goofy.

BIZARRE!

Probably the word “weird” is the one that resonated most with me.

Think about it (here’s a short list):

Isaiah walked about naked for a season as he prophesied.

Jeremiah hid his underwear under a rock by the Euphrates River, dug it back up again, then used it as a metaphor for a prophesy of judgment.

Hosea married a prostitute, and if that wasn’t strange enough, do you remember the names of his children?

Of course, we all recall Jonah, who ran from God, allowed himself to get swallowed by a large fish, who then vomited him back on land after he finally repented.

Ezekiel ate a scroll…

Balaam chatted with a donkey…

Just downright strange.

Then after 400 years of silence, enter John the Baptist, who came eating locusts and wild honey, and dressed in “sack cloth.”

Sack cloth! Camel’s hair. 

Anytime someone wore sack cloth (made of camel’s hair, sometimes goat hair, it meant they were in grieving mode, lamenting the loss of something or someone. 

He was a wild looking man, and, as one author wrote, “clearly poured from the prophetic mold of the Old Testament). 

His message bridged the distance between those dark years and the New Testament.

He would be the last in the long line of prophets who would speak for the Lord God…and, he would be just as odd. 

Yet, we can no more dismiss John the Baptist than any other of the Major or Minor Prophets whose words, actions, and deeds are recorded for us in Scripture.

Every one of these men, strange as they might be, were God’s mouthpieces, sent to stir the hearts of the children of Israel, that they might return to the Lord and be restored to Him.

Each oddity God used to speak a truth so bold that His people might find themselves repentant and able to avoid the wrath and judgment to come. 

All of them spoke one message: Repent!

And if there is a message no one wants to hear it is that one. 

I’ve pondered this a lot during the week, especially as I traveled from Colorado to Frankfurt to Malta. 🇲🇹 

When I sensed God asking me the question if I were willing to be a “pre-Advent” to the Lord’s second Advent, a John/Johanna of sorts, to prepare the way for our coming King, I wondered what that might look like practically speaking?

I’ve come up with a few thoughts…but the first one revolves around this consideration:

Am I willing to be considered odd for God? 

For those He calls are often misunderstood.

Those He seeks to step into roles of ministry don’t fit the everyday mold of American acceptance.

As one of our women said today - the world is looking of us (as women) to be “Taylor’s, Sabrina’s and Rhianna’s,” but that’s not what God is looking for at all. He’s seeking women who will serve not seek to be served. He’s looking for women who will speak up for His truth; not women who promote immorality and ungodly values. He’s looking for women who aren’t desiring popularity, but women who desire intimacy with the Almighty.”  

Women like this will be ostracized, called strange, different, bizarre, and, yes, odd.

We can anticipate it. 

Am I prepared for THIS as one being called to prepare the way of the Lord? 

It’s a serious ask.

The Lord's Quest & An Invitation

"There came a man sent from God, whose name was John (John 1:6) ."

This man (not a real photo - smile 😆) has been living inside my head for months.

He's had a lot to say, so I've taken no small amount of time to listen to him; and, honestly, his life lends itself to many a lesson for us living in these "last days."

At least we are closer to last days than ever before.

When I say last days, I mean the time-frame leading up to the second Advent of Jesus.

John (whom we know as The Baptizer) arrived on the scene of history at a crucial time, as the pre-Advent of the Advent of the Messiah.

The Lord has a way of doing that, doesn't He?

In the midst of darkness and deception, despair and destruction,  division and danger, God finds His man (or, woman) and brings him on the scene as a spokes-person. 

He does, however, wait until the timing is right (Paul, the Apostle calls this "in the fulness of time").

In John's case, the Lord waited a very long 400 years.

When the prophet Malachi spoke his last words, God stopped speaking (and, His words through Malachi were fairly ominous):

"Remember the law of my servant Moses, the statutes and rules that I commanded him at Horeb for all Israel. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction (Malachi 4:4-6)."

Remember the law...

The people didn't - they went their own way.

So the Lord "went dark."

You know what I mean when I use the term dark: God went silent.

His voice was no longer heard through men to men.

No new prophets.

No visionaries.

No miracles.

No judges.

No kings.

No cupbearers.

Crickets.

Just some priests and religious leaders who made up the "rules" as they went (and, more often than not, they were corrupt with nothing but evil in their hearts). These were men who twisted the truth to make it say what they wanted it to say, causing God's Words to be maligned and misinterpreted. 

The result: chaos and confusion.

No one really knew anymore what they believed and why.

As the voice of God goes, so goes the world. 

"Dark" bred darkness - politically, economically, socially, morally, and most of all, spiritually.

By the time the fulness of time had rolled around, the Lord needed a man, His guy, to stand in the gap and to prepare the way for the coming King just like He did during the Old Testament.

"And, I searched for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the gap before Me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found no one (Ezekiel 22:30)."

God is still looking for people who will make a difference, who will rebuild walls of righteousness in our world.

Since he had trouble finding such a one, the Lord "sent a man," miraculously, through the aged priest, Zechariah and his barren wife, Elizabeth. 

Enter: John the Baptist.

A little bit wild, a little bit odd, but completely sold out for the Lord.

John came into the world a bit like a fire cracker - a burst of flame and then gone too soon; but he left a big mark!

As I've studied John's life, I'm convinced, God is, right now, looking for men and women to pre-Advent the Advent. 

We won't all be imitators of John, thank goodness (I certainly don't want to dress in camel hair, and I sure don't care about eating locusts).

Yet, the world today, while not quite as dark as it was between the two testaments of our Bibles, finds itself in chaos and confusion. 

In general, we live in an era of darkness and depravity; moral corruption and spiritual decadence; pure evil and God-forsaken-idolatry (believe me, Baal still dictates and Molech still cries out for our children). 

We live for our own truth, do what "feels"right to us (even if the Scriptures tell us it is wrong), and seek to walk our own path.

Before John spoke anything else to me, his life demanded I answer this one question: Are you willing to be a pre-Advent to the Advent? Are you willing to commit to stand in the gap as we wait for the COMING? 

The Lord is on a quest for another John/Johanna; and, we are invited to the challenge...

What Are You Carrying?

We've had a lot of company over the last few weeks.

Great folks.

Incredible fellowship.

Deep conversations.

Sweet prayers.

Even some good old cowboy gospel singin'...

Wouldn't trade any of it, even if my little self leans to the fairly introverted side of the scale.

In the midst of all the friends and fun, my shoulders and arms have been aching for the past several months. 

I had X-rays last spring, and they didn't show much, tendonitis the doctor said.

He sent me to a PT.

She gave me some stretching exercises.

Those helped....one shoulder....but not the other (in fact, it's worse). 

Sometimes everything seems to catch on everything else inside when I move, and when it does, the hurt then causes my breath to catch. 

So, my other option is probably a steroid shot before I head out to my next speaking event (out of country). 

I'll be gone for about 18 days, then home for a few, and gone for another couple weeks (also out of country). 

But, I don't want to be like King Asa, who, although for most of his life did good things, as he got old, he became diseased in his feet. At this point, he forgot to seek help from the Lord, but went straight to the physicians (2 Chronicles 16:12). 

Since Scripture points this out, we can assume this didn't fall in the "credit-to-his-account-for-righteousness" column.

So, on Saturday night, we asked our company-in-residence if they would pray with us, and ask the Lord to alleviate the pain. Yet, if a steroid shot was a part of His will, for that to be made clear.

What precious prayers from the Lord's servants!

As my friend, Brenda, began to pray, she felt led to ask me a question: "What are you carrying that you don't need to be?"

She didn't mean physically. 

She meant in the spiritual realm, so my answer was to just be between myself and the Lord.

"Can't think of anything," I immediately thought, although as soon as that popped into my head, I felt a check in my spirit.

I knew I needed to be about some reflection, and for the next couple of days, simply nothing came to mind.

Until last night. 

For months I've been working on a new series for these two upcoming conferences (one in Malta and the next in Cyprus). 

I've been excited about it. 

The first two sessions came together easily and rapidly, but I've been unable to sit with the third session, and, in spite of having an outline, between the company and my otherwise occupied mind, nothing seemed clear. It felt quite frustrating! Burdensome, in fact. 

Then, I received an email from the "boss," who shared the situations and circumstances surrounding so many of our attendees (and, even within our volunteer ranks). 

Life has been HARD for so many of these gals. 

Somewhere in the middle of the night, I realized that even though I thought I heard the Lord clearly on what I was supposed to share, that new series needed to go onto the back burner. 

The Lord, it seems, has three totally different sessions in mind for these gals - much more appropriate for the stuff-of-life-occupying-their-minds. 

I'm certain there is a someday for the retreat I just wrote (entitled "Who Are You?"); BUT, SOMEDAY IS NOT NOW! 

As soon as I made the decision to replace what GOD MEANS for SOMEDAY in the HERE AND NOW, I felt a burden lift. 

Somehow I knew that series would be for another time and another place and another group of women, but I'd been wrestling inside my heart to make it work - HAULING ROCKS ON THE SPIRITUAL SHOULDERS OF MY SOUL.

My physical pain has been a reminder that sometimes there is a connection with a spiritual burden.

I certainly wish I could say that with that realization my "glenohumeral joints" are perfectly fine; BUT, NO...the pain hasn't disappeared...

However, the weight in my spirit is gone, and as I "let go," I sensed my spiritual shoulders relax. 

So, what is the lesson for someone who might read this random "thought?"

It's this...

In all things, at all times, in all circumstances, "pay attention to the tension" inside (who knows, maybe it is being reflected on the outside, so pay attention to that, too!).

PAY ATTENTION TO THE TENSION FOR THE LORD MAY BE TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!

The Lord may simply be attempting to reveal something new, to lighten the load you carry, to show you a better path and the next right steps.

My job / our job is to simply trust Him, seek Him, and stay surrendered with that age-old favorite Hebrew word of mine on our lips: Hineni.

Here I am Lord.

Use me.

"You're Gonna Do Big Things for Christ!"

From time to time, well-meaning friends have offered encouragement with these types of words, "You are gonna do great!"

Generally, it's in response to a prayer request for an upcoming speaking event, where my heart and intent is that the Lord's words be spoken with integrity.

I take very seriously James 3:1, which reads:

"Not many of you should become teachers...for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness (ESV)."

No matter what version you read, the verse stings with conviction!

I also heard (more when younger), "You guys will, undoubtedly, do BIG THINGS for the Lord." 

These statements ran through my mind this week as we hosted, loved on, and shared lives with a rural pastor and his wife who've served faithfully in small churches for the last 30-some years. Their current church boasts a membership of about 70.

Plus, we visited this week with a dear friend serving a church of 12-members (having left a church over three times that size), where he and his wife heard a clear call to minister.  By the way, this is a pretty "big" church for that area. 

The words "big" and "great" are really undefinable.

What is big to one is small to another and, maybe, HUGE to someone else. 

Both words imply comparison.

For this ❤ is big next to ❤

This ❤ is bigger...

...but this ❤ is BIGGEST, yet.

These words can also trip up Jesus-followers, especially if they have a desire to make a difference.

Ruth Chou Simons asks in one of her books:

"Can a small and hidden life be as glorious as one seen and heard across the globe?"

It's a valid question, and one those of us who serve the Kingdom in often small and out of the way places ask ourselves (albeit, silently) regularly.

Again, the words "big" and "great" mean something entirely different to those who live in this world; but we will never serve with persistence and steadfastness if we continue to look through the "perspecticals" of the world.

The world's way of measuring is totally different than the Lord's way.

The world measures in dollars, the size of the audience, the numbers of likes and followers on social media. The world measures in influence. 

Not so the Lord.

The Lord measures in faithfulness.

Are we walking in Jesus' footsteps? Are we living dead, dying-to-self, daily? Do we seek His face, discipline ourselves for godliness, serve with humility; and more importantly, are we living His purpose for our lives?

This is God's ruler: 

Are we seeking to bring Him glory? 

Are we displays of His splendor? 

Are we reflections of His character?

Are we lights in the darkness?

Grace and mercy (John 1:14)? Truth and wisdom? Creativity and love for all mankind (Psalm 19:1)? 

That's the answer to the question above that caused me pause this week...

...for the answer is: Yes! What seems to be a small and hidden life might be even more glorious as we look at how things are as seen through God's eyes.

Faithfully raising littles to love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul and strength?

That's a big work!

Speaking Jesus to small audiences?

That's a big work!

Building a wall, like Nehemiah, because you know that no city can stand protected without one?

That's a great work (BTW, Nehemiah knew it and he refused to stop repairing the wall until it was finished)!

Cleaning floors, picking up trash, wiping out toilets in your church for only a nod, and not even a pat on the back? 

That's a big work!

Can I just be a sticky note on your refrigerator this week reminding you that if you are serving as "unto the Lord" and not as "unto yourself," the Lord sees, He cares, and He will reward in due time.

In the midst of all this pondering, I was reminded of two songs. One is a stanza from an age-old hymn, the other a more recent message in music by Casting Crowns. 

First the hymn: All Glory Be to Christ

"Should nothing of our efforts stand, no legacy survive;

Unless the Lord doth raise the house, in vain its builders strive.

To you who boast tomorrow's gain, tell me what is your life?

A mist that vanishes at dawn...

All glory be to Christ!"

Then these words from "Only Jesus."

All the Kingdoms built,

All the trophies won,

Will crumble into dust, when it's said and done.

'Cause all that really matters - 

Did I live the truth to the ones I love?

Was my life the proof that there is only one, whose name will last forever?

I don't want to leave a legacy

I don't care if they remember me

Only Jesus.

And I, I've only got one life to live,

I'll let every second point to Him

Only Jesus

It's true - when all is said and done, all that really matters is faithfully following and making certain that His name is remembered, and His story is told. 

XXXXXXXXXX

With that it feels a bit odd to let you know that I have a new Advent devotional that was birthed this week through Amazon. If you're interested in a short, little devotional that will help you focus on Jesus during the Christmas season, you can find that book here (both Kindle and Paperback): Don't Drop Jesus.

"Calmin' the Wind; God's Helping"

(Last year following a storm on the Sea of Galilee)

XXXXX

Bay brought up a beloved memory the other day.

It's not one I've forgotten, not by any means.

In fact, I think about it frequently at times when I walk in through the door of my house; however, this time, it struck a different chord within...

When our nephew, Andrew, was just a little guy, we came home from church one Sunday, to find that he had come visiting.

At the time, he lived next door, so this wasn't an unusual occurrence, but he rarely came inside if we weren't home.

Apparently, his family arrived back from services before we did and he had something on his mind that couldn't wait, so he came on in to make himself at home. 

However, that particular spring Sunday, the winds blew with no-small-force, pine cones and needles dropped, the hot tub cover was blown askew, and pillows from our deck chairs had landed in the yard. 

We noticed all this as we drove into our carport; but, as we walked inside there stood Andrew at the large window overlooking the havoc. 

Wee as he was at the time, he stood straight and as tall as his little height could get, arms outstretched parallel to the floor, eyes closed.

Interesting. 

"Hey, bud, whatcha doing?"

His reply came quick, never missing a beat, "Calmin' the wind. God's helping." 

(Caesarea National Park)

(Maybe this had been his Sunday School lesson that day, I dunno... 🤷‍♀️)

Tucked away in my heart, this memory serves as a cute little story - one of many cute stories I can share about this particular nephew. 

When Bay brought it up at the beginning of the week (and, honestly, I don't even recall the context of it at this point), something stirred inside me...and, I knew, this many years later, a Biblical lesson needed to be heard with the ears of my heart.

XXXXX

Oh, my!

There are a lot of storms that crash onto the shores of my world...

Like yours, there are some more intense than others.

If you're like me, you look for ways to "calm" the wind; find order; manage the chaos; discover a quick-fix.

I really don't like it when the pillows are blowing off the chairs in my world...and, I just want things to go back to some kind of normal.

So, it's easy for me to want to take advantage of that dirty little seven-letter-word: CONTROL.

I want to make decisions that I think will make everything right, and remove any consequences. 

It's exactly what Sarah did, while she was still Sarai...

Remember this?

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children (this storm is God's fault*). Go in to my servant (since it is God's fault, listen to me*); it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai...He went in to Hagar, and she conceived...and, Hagar bore Abram a son, and he called the name of his son, Ishmael (Genesis 16:1-2, 4, 15). 

(*my words.)

We all know how this turned out, right?

We're still suffering the long-term-consequences of Sarai's "calming of the storm" (and, she didn't even let God help!)...

So, when we, like Andrew, try to calm our storms, our way, with suggestions about how the Lord might help...OR NOT... 

Well, I guess the question really is, 

"How many Ishmael's do we birth as we try to advance our plan as God's plan?" 

-Peter Scazerro-

The consequences might be just as dire, but on a personal level (vs national)...

We're so much better off letting the Lord calm the storms, still the waves, and bring peace back into the boat....HIS WAY and in HIS TIMING. 

It may be hard sitting in the waiting room; but, HIS WAY IS PERFECT.

In the meantime, that's what I must remember, when tempted to be "calmin' the wind;" and, maybe(?) allowing God to help.

Broken and Still Useful

Shortly after Bay and I first moved to Pagosa Springs, we joined a small group Bible Study with younger married couples our age.

One night, a question came up that required us to think through a response to the following question, and bring the answer the next week.

If you could choose what went on your grave marker before you died, what would you want it to say? 

(cemetery located on an old homestead I walked past in Montana last weekend while on retreat)

That question is slightly reminiscent of the one that spurred a blog post on tattoos (here).

It also calls to mind a post I read not too long ago called "headstone humor." You'll find some pretty funny ones clicking on this link. 

I took the assignment seriously, though, and it took me almost the whole week to come up with mine.

(the beautiful, old homestead)

As it was, I was reading Paul's letters to Timothy for my quiet time, and when I got to 2 Timothy 2:21, I stopped my perusal and began pondering.

Something about that verse resonated within my soul and that verse has been my go-to-answer since then...and, yes, I'm sticking with it.

My prayer is that I would be worthy of the words -

Here's how it reads in the ESV (but the way the verse is written, I have to include the previous passage):

Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master...ready for every good work.

It's the second part of that verse, I want emphasized: a vessel of honor, set apart as holy, useful to the Master, and ready for every good work.  

I like old things, as last week's post revealed.

(farming equipment on the homestead property)

I especially like old things repurposed. 

That's been on my mind for a couple weeks.

Maybe I like them, because this vessel, which houses my soul, is getting older. 

Like some of the things that we've reclaimed (and consecrated), I'm a bit worse for the wear. 

Dents and dings. Weak and worn. Scarred, sore, and stiff. Bruised and a bit broken from the storms of life, which can unmercifully batter us. 

This hasn't changed my desire to still be a useful vessel...

...ALTHOUGH, here's what struck me, this past weekend. 

I'm in the process of studying the life of John the Baptist: "what is it about the man that caused his cousin, Jesus, to say, "Just what did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? A man dressed in soft clothing? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than... Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist...(Matthew 11:7-11a)"

The retreat series I'm writing, based on his life, will be titled "Who Are You?" for you and I have much to learn about our identity in Christ and our PURPOSE in life from this unique, mysterious, feisty, and, yes, broken man. 

We also have this potential that arises from the promise Jesus spoke that, "even the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven (could that be moi?) is greater than he (Matthew 112:11b)."

How can that be? 

The Light of the World, who dwells in us, actually shines brighter through broken and battered vessels.

When I go to speak, I certainly don't want my audience to look at the vessel, I want them to see what is inside the vessel: the power of the Holy Spirit at work through me.

When I go to speak, like John the Baptist, I want to simply identify myself by these two words, when asked "Who Are You?"

A VOICE.

No one ever sees a voice.

We only hear the voice. 

Like John, that is my desire.

To carry the voice in this vessel, shining His Light through the broken cracks, and bringing Him glory.

So, I've improvised my prayer to ask: Sweet Lord, may I be a USEFUL VOICE housed in a VESSEL OF HONOR (even if it is dented and dinged; weak and worn; scarred, sore and stiff; bruised and broken....) set apart, holy, prepared for every good work. 

Any voice, in any vessel, has great purpose when used for His glory.