Day 5...The Journey to #bebrave

To introduce today's lesson on the journey to #bebrave, I must go back several years.

I was much younger.

Our kiddos were little.

We were living in Kenya, at Rift Valley Academy, and to the best of our know-how, raising a family and trying to keep in line 30 high school dorm boys (along with a kazillion other little duties that came with the boarding-school-territory).

Every day was an experiment in learning how to "do life."

We'd lived on campus for several years, when tragedy struck.

It hit close to home and close to the heart.

Fast. Unexpected. Hard.

Not more than a mile from our home, dear friends were stopped by thieves and robbed.  In the midst of fighting them off, she was killed. Her husband survived, but she didn't.

Some of you, who've known us a long time, have heard me share my side of this story:

* The huge giant of fear that pounded relentlessly at my door, as soon as my husband left home and flew back to the US with the family.

* The terror that gripped my heart when I found out that the men, who'd been arrested and charged with this atrocious act, had been released from jail on a bribe.

On top of Bay being away, our mission station was basically emptied, except for our little family. It was, after all, the month when our students went home for vacation with their parents, and all the other missionaries left for a season of rest, or to help serve in other areas of ministry.

I felt very alone, vulnerable, and unprotected.

The "what ifs" crowded my thinking and any reasonable thought couldn't find it's way through the door.

Fear crippled, paralyzed, and ensnared me for a good season...and, the one and only solution that made sense to me was this: If only Bay was home.

But, he would be away for a good two weeks, plus.

And...honestly....what could He have done?

In the midst of it all, I knew I needed to dig into God's Word and find His perspective for me, or I may not survive those two weeks.

I knew my faith needed "shoring up."

Hard seasons have come and gone throughout my life.

This was truly one of the hardest.

BUT GOD.

Even in the hard of that time, I found Him faithful.

On one of the hardest days, I walked to our mailbox.

That morning, even the thought of food caused my stomach to curl up and rebel.

Believe me, this is not me! Normally, under stress I go straight to food for comfort.

There was one small package in my box.

The envelope bore no name - not a "To" or a "From" anywhere to be seen.

I brought it home, slit it open, to find a cassette tape inside.

Remember those? Let me jog your memory ⇣...

The label identified it as a Chuck Swindoll message.

The title: Giant Killing.

To this day, I have no idea where it came from.

Some angel knew I needed this WORD exactly.

Fear was my giant.

And, I needed some stones of truth to put inside my pocket.

The next time the giant taunted me, I needed to grab hold of one of those stones, place the rock inside the leather, and let it fly...

I needed stones of truth to cling to and fling every time one of Fear's relatives stepped into my path.

When we're afraid, perspective is what we need.

It can only be found in Scripture.

I grabbed my Bible and a concordance.

Looking up fear verses, and faith verses, I typed them all up on my little old Commodore computer and printed them out on that old dot-matrix (am I aging myself?)...

Every night....all through the night whenever I woke up; throughout the day...all day....WHENEVER I NEEDED the truth, I read through those verses, claiming the promises, and acting on the suggestions of things I could do.

Little by little, my #bebrave rose to the surface, and the Giant of Fear died.

Yep, perspective is everything when it comes to fear...

...and, God's Word is powerful.

I threw the stone of truth in the enemy's face, and it hit square center in his forehead.

Boom!

In the next blogpost, I'll write out those verses, as resources, along with a little declaration of faith (that someone else shared with. me) as God led me forward.

Day 4....The Journey to #bebrave

I asked Bay to hang this picture ⇡ at Gramma Dottie's little house a week or so ago. There just wasn't a spot at my house; so, now it will showcase a wall in her bedroom.

It spent a number of years at Aunt Grace's house, then came home to me not too long ago.

With the cross-stitch comes a memory.

With the memory comes a strong emotion of high-anxiety, bordering on fear.

I'll share the back-story.

Bay and I had been serving in Kenya at Rift Valley Academy for 7 months.

He was off on a basketball-playing-missions-trip with some of our dorm boys and a few other students, who lived in Zimbabwe.

It was April, everyone was on vacation, and I was manning the home-front with the three kiddos.

I don't remember the date; I just remember the sequence of events.

The kids had been put to bed.

So, the time must have been close to 9:00 PM.

Rainy season had arrived, and that night, the rain was coming down in sheets.

The noise on the metal roof of our home was deafening.

But, I sat listening, and occupying my time with the cross stitch that I'd been working on for about four months.

The last thing I needed to finish was the border, and I was at least three-quarters of the way around.

The telephone rang - the one (we had two telephones) that indicated the call was coming from on-station somewhere.

I could barely make out the voice on the other end, since it was raining so hard, but finally I got the message.

My heart broke.

The school administrators had just gotten word that one of the boys, a student from Zambia, had been killed in a freak accident as he and his father were boating down the Zambezi River.

The waters were at flood stage.

Somehow the boat had overturned, and the young man swam to one side of the river, while the dad and a friend swam to the other side.

As they were attempting to rescue items from the boat close to shore in very shallow water, the friend noticed a swirl in the water that indicated a crocodile had changed directions.

He yelled at our young student (no more than 16 years old) to get out of the water...and the boy indicated he heard, but was picking up just one last item.

That was all it took for the crocodile to sweep his feet out from under him, so very close to shore...and take him under.

As I hung up the phone with tears streaming, I felt a strange wet sensation around my ankles.

The rains had begun flooding around our little home that sat down in a bit of a ravine, and were rushing underneath the front door.

I quickly began picking items up that I could get off the floor, in order to protect them...but in the process, the cross-stitch I'd been working on got splashed with mud (yes, those spots are still there, faded, but present).

No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't come clean.

Some concerned neighbors showed up on my doorstep, and soon we were sweeping the flood waters out the back door as quickly as they entered the front door.

By midnight the rain stopped, and the flooding in our house got under control.

Needless to say, the parquet flooring needed re-sanding and re-finishing, but it could have been so much worse.

#####

As I climbed into bed that night, the reality of the unpredictable world we live in struck me with a force I had not reconciled prior.

I recognized how truly "out of control" life can be from one day to the next - really, from one minute to the next. And, that night the fears began to rise and rush around my heart like the flood waters of the Zambezi....or the rain waters that flowed through my home just minutes before.

I, the "missionary," who knew without question I had been called by the Lord to Kenya, felt the fear of being. "out of control."

In fact, psychological researchers say that's the number one issue behind most fears (it rather helps knowing we're not alone, right?)...

Because I wasn't sleeping anyway after all the night's events, I turned the light on by my bed, and reached for my Bible.

That morning, I closed it at the end of Isaiah 25.

During the day I had reflected on the promises of God in that chapter that He would swallow up death forever, and wipe away tears.

It was as if the Lord prepared me in advance for the unexpected...

Those promises came washing over me afresh, as I thanked Him for our young student's personal knowledge of The Almighty One and the saving GRACE that landed him that afternoon, not at the bottom of a raging river, but in the Presence of His God.

What joy he was experiencing, even while we felt the loss and the grief...

"BUT," I asked the Lord, "what about fear?"

"What do you do about the unrest in my heart?"

And, I started reading in Isaiah 26.

There was God's answer to me, verse 3.

It is, now, a familiar go-to promise...every time anxiety rises.

I wrote it down in my journal this way (I still have those journals...):

"You, O God, will keep Peg in perfect peace, when her mind is focused on YOU, because Peg trusts in You..."

Peace comes as I reflect on my Savior.

I thought about that cross-stitch in the other room.

Each name is a treasure trove about the character of my God.

In timely fashion, and no coincidence, I finished that little piece of stitching just when I needed it most.

I began repeating who my God is to me...and found God faithful to do what He promised.

The peace of God washed afresh over my troubled soul...and I knew, while God wouldn't change circumstances, God wouldn't change.

He is forever who He says He is.

My God does not change.

May this little story remind you, to "stay your mind" and "settle your heart" as you focus on His reliable, ever faithful nature.

Turn your eyes on Jesus....

God gave me that verse that night, because I would need it again, a few years later....along with deeper lessons on fear and faith.

Day 3...The Journey to #bebrave

Day 2 on this journey to #bebrave was just a little bit "clinical."

No interesting stories.

Just facts about emotions...targeting fear.

We're going to look a little deeper into the emotion of fear (which is, undoubtedly, the most intense emotion of all the "feels").

Today, however, we'll examine fear through the eyes of someone else:  Eve.

Dear, dear Eve.

When we think of Eve, we think "original sin"...as well we should.

Eve stepped into her disobedience already a little bit "primed," taking Adam by the hand right alongside her.

Have you ever stopped to think what led to that sin?

Oh, I know, that cunning serpent had a lot to do with it.

But, let's pretend for a minute that Eve is having coffee with us.

Let's ask her to tell her story...what might she say?

(I've not actually spoken with Eve, but knowing how much of her DNA was passed on to me, I can vividly imagine how this conversation might go...).

#####

Eve's Story:

I woke up in Paradise. Literal Paradise. You simply can't imagine... It was truly GLORIOUS!

As I opened my eyes, the first face I beheld was that of the ALMIGHTY, having just blown life's breath into me.

I closed my eyes, re-opened them, and there "he" was...love at first sight!

Together, Adam and I enjoyed the best the Garden had to offer...

All was GOOD...and,

...Time of fellowship with the Father intimate and sweet (I loved His laugh, most of all)...

I felt so safe in Paradise.

SO FREE....

Well, except for that ONE RULE.

We had to stay away from this one tree; and, not partake of its fruit.

Right here is where all the trouble began.

I began thinking to myself...

"What is the Lord God withholding from us?

What if He just doesn't want us to enjoy everything the Garden has to offer for selfish reasons?

Why would He want us missing out on something more?

What if this fruit is better than any other in the Garden?

Is God really good?

Why is He trying to control us?"

With the thoughts came something I had not experienced....

Before the questions, I could only describe myself as "content."

Now, I felt....sad....sad that God was holding out on me....

Doubtful....was God really who He told us He was?

Fearful...suddenly, the Garden didn't feel safe anymore; no longer "perfect;" no longer "Paradise"... ...with God holding out on us, what if He began taking away other things?

And, there it began...the journey to disobedience:

Sadness over "scarcity", led to doubt, doubt led to fear, and fear led to discontentment...

All that thinking led to unhealthy, unprocessed emotions, and this was the final conclusion:

I was missing out on "so much more..."

And, the serpent knew exactly what was unfolding as he eavesdropped on conversations with Adam, and watched as our intimacy with the Almighty began to wane...

You know the rest of the story....

You know the path of action I took...and, the shame and regret that followed...

But, God...

He sacrificed to cover our sin and shame.

He made a way for life, where there should have been death...

And, He reminded us, we'd always be the apple of His eye...

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A few more thoughts on fear:

1) Fear always starts when we start "thinking to ourselves" instead of speaking truth to ourselves...

2) It's an age old question, what comes first fear? or doubt?  Doesn't really matter, one almost always leads to the other, especially when it is God we're doubting...

3) Fear often rises its ugly head when two things are an issue: my inability to control a situation, and a mindset of scarcity lives in my head.

What is the answer???

I can think of two things that have been helpful for me...
 When tempted to fear when there is a situation I cannot control, I confess my selfish-heart that wants things "my way," actively pursue doing the things that I can control, then, like Jesus surrender to the Father with a simple, "Thy Will Be Done..."

When tempted to fear out of a scarcity mindset, I turn to gratitude. Once I begin to see clearly all I am blessed with, scarcity takes a back seat. Because I have so much, generosity moves to the drivers seat.   This kind of fear can't live in the same heart filled with gratitude and generosity. There's just no room!

Day 2...The Journey to #bebrave

As one who has struggled with fear (and all its variations), I recognize the importance of being more aware about what is happening at the heart/mind level.

Understanding helps the processing.

Really....

So, let's talk about the emotion of fear today...

Take a look at the "feel-wheel" below.

The value of a feel-wheel is that it can put words to emotions.

Sometimes, because we just don't speak emotion-talk, we can't truly identify what's going on inside.

It took me years before I realized the value of identification.

Fear is an intense emotion.

There's a scale to it, just like pain.

The wheel shows three levels, but as I ponder my own life experience, I think there are five "shades."

Five shades of fear....although there may be overlapping...

Level 1:  Peace of Heart. No thought of concern, stress, or anxiety. 

Level 2:  Wary/Cautious. No real awareness of danger, but uncomfortable, and sensing something maybe be "off." Worried (and questioning) what might be going on - The "what ifs" may make a show here...

Level 3: Anxious. A step above "worried." Feeling physical discomfort. Chest is tight. Breathing feels more difficult. The "what ifs" are beginning to consume the mind.

Level 4: Fear. There is certainly danger ahead. "Flight, fight, or freeze" become real reactions. All the physical discomforts come into play: eating is difficult, mind feels like a pin-ball machine, there's a sense of hopelessness and helplessness, and it's difficult to process what is real and what is not.

Level 5: Terrified. The danger is here - the house is on fire, a robber has just invaded my home, terrorists just put two planes into high rises in New York City and I'm watching it unfold in front of me... The "what ifs" are actuality.

As human beings, we tend to think of worry, anxiety, and fear as "bad"...these are negative emotions. I should be living in the world of happy and peaceful...all the time.

That's not life.

Nor is that the way the Lord created us.

In Genesis, we read that on the sixth day, God created man in His image.

He looked at what He created and it was good.

At creation, the Lord crafted us with emotions as part of our package.

Why?

We have an emotional God.

We read of His joy. 

Sorrow. 

Grief. 

Anger. 

Love.

We are a representation of Him.

Emotions and all.

And, let's not forget, He looked and called His creation "good."

Including all the emotions...

So, remember this: 

We can't put all our "feels" in categories of good/bad/neutral...they are all good...and they all serve a purpose.

What would that purpose be?

Emotions are educators...

They reveal what is going on inside our hearts.

All emotions teach us to understand what is happening inside a heart that is often difficult to read.

Yes, they are educators...but sometimes we live as if they are dictators.

...Emotions do not have to be our dictators!

The battle between the teacher and the tyrant always begins in the mind.

Hence, the reason for this blog series...

How can we depose of the dictator, and welcome the educator?

What steps can we take to the place of peace of heart?

Yesterday, we took a first step.

We remembered:

I am not alone in this process.

The Lord my God is with me wherever I go...

Today is the second step...

Identify your fears.

Name them one by one...

Put language to them.

Speak them out loud...bring your fears into the light.

Fear loses a lot of power when you bring them into the light...

They love to hide in darkness....

Want to take care of the tyrant in the current situation?

Then speak directly to the situation.

I may be (in this place) ________________________...

But, you are not about to take over.

With the Lord's help, I will take back what is rightfully mine.

Just doing this is enough to begin to defuse those fears.

Tomorrow a story of fear's beginnings......you may not have read this story in this way before...

In Pursuit of the Almighty...He's There Changing Our What Ifs to Even Ifs....

So far, in the last ten years, I don't believe I've repeated a blog theme, let alone a series of blogs.

It's my habit to be seeking the Lord anew and to share afresh those things that He is teaching me.

HOWEVER, we are in a rare and different season of life.

There is no sense of "normal," and, who knows what the new "normal" will look like as we navigate out of this Coronavirus-world we are growing accustomed to living.

As a result, my counseling/mentoring/discipling, which has picked up and is zeroing in on a familiar theme...

The stories always begin with: "What if..."

These are worry words.

Anxiety words.

Fear words.

When we live in the question of "what if?," faith is obscured.

The clouds those words form over our lives can totally block out The SON (no, that is not a spelling error).

With this introduction, I have sensed the Lord speaking to my heart to go back and focus once more on a series I did in 2019, that began on May 2, and lasted about 16 weeks.

I'm not going to repeat each post, but I am going to re-focus, and re-fresh our memories about what a road to #bebrave looks like.

AND, I sense the Lord directing me to not go week-to-week as is typical, but reworking old posts every-other-day, for these are trying times and the message is needed now...

So, forgive me for a repeat theme, but my prayer is that for someone somewhere who may pick up this blog, there is a Word of Encouragement for you...and, for me, as well.

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I grew up under a "what if"cloud.

I may have been the most fearful child ever born.

Cute....but fearful.

(me, at 6, did you know I was crowned a queen at an early age...the crown is MINE!)

My "what ifs" were never spoken aloud.

I don't know why that was, maybe, I knew in my heart the worries and concerns weren't valid, but, also, after introspection, I was afraid they were.

My fears had fears.

This happens most of the time.

One fear gives birth to more fears...and those fears have unanswered questions, and they give birth to even more fear, until our stomachs ache, we can't eat, we feel paralyzed, and we aren't sure we want to even venture out of our home.

This was my story.

When I was six, my dad purchased the local movie theater.

I loved it.

I was entertained weekly with new movies, and found myself living in my own little movie-world-of-the-mind.

From the time I was big enough to reach, my job was to pop the corn and bag it for the customers.

I loved that, too...

But, as an impressionable young child, who didn't know how to process information at all well (and children don't), I succumbed to fear from a "news short" that stuck like velcro to my mind for (literally) YEARS!

Back in those days, the cartoon and feature film were often preceded by some kind of a news feature that highlighted historical events.

The one that left me frozen with fear was the black-and-white-"short" that informed viewers of the bombs dropped on Japan that ended World War II.

It didn't take but a second to find pictures on the internet, and even a 1-minute YouTube video .

But, from the moment I watched, I lived under the "what if" questions.

What if a bomb was dropped on my little home town?

What if everyone died and I was the only one who survived?

What if I was at school and I couldn't find my family in all the chaos?

What if I died and wasn't with anyone who loved me when I did?

Not long after that, the nightmares began...

It was the same nightmare...all based on the "what ifs" I'd been asking...and, always in black and white.

A bomb would go off in my little coastal hometown.

I'd see myself walking up and down the streets of my neighborhood (curiously the neighborhood was still intact).

I'd be calling for my people...but never get any answer...and I knew I was all alone in the world...except for the enemy who had dropped the bomb.

They'd be coming toward me (there were no such thing as zombies back then, but think "zombies")...

I was the only survivor...

And, I would wake up in a panic.

Same dream. Over and over and over. Until....I was in high school.

Until....I met Jesus.

The night I became a Jesus-follower my life changed in the instant of a prayer.

That same night, I came home, got down on my knees for a second time, and dug under my bed for a dusty Bible I knew was there somewhere...

When I got up, I began reading where my friend who had led me to Jesus told me to start: the Book of John.

I got to verse 14.

...and the Word (who I knew was Jesus) became a human being and lived among us...

There was a side note in my little Bible.

It took me to Matthew's gospel, where Joseph and Mary are told that the Child who would be born to them, would be called Immanuel - God with us.

There was another little note that sent me to the end of Matthew, where Jesus tells His disciples... "and I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Right there.

Those words.

They changed everything about my fear...

I wasn't alone.

Never would I be alone!

The Lord MY GOD was with me.

The Jesus I now had a personal relationship with would NEVER LEAVE ME...not even if the world as I knew ended (besides, I had just been told that now I would spend eternity with this same Jesus).

God was BIGGER than all my fears.

And, He's bigger than yours!

That night the wind of the Holy Spirit blew those clouds away, and the SON began shining on my world.

Would I stay #bebrave forever?

Naw...

But, every fear I experience takes me back to that moment when I realized, I would never be alone.

SOMEONE who controls the universe IS for me, attentive to me, and WITH ME...

Pondering this TRUTH puts fear into perspective.

is the beginning step on the road to #bebrave.

#####

Now, I can preach to myself this truth every time fear raises its ugly head...

No matter what, EVEN IF (not "what if") the Lord is with me wherever I go...

What a great season to live in the "even ifs" and see the SON SHINE!!!

Where Is My King....and my Pursuit of the Almighty

This question has been popping into my head all week long:

"Where is my King?"

If I were living in the age of the Judges, I would be asking that question of myself.

The children of the Lord were out of control.

Idolaters...

Doing what they thought was right according to what felt good at the moment.

(It was "right in their own eyes...")

"Where is my King?

Obviously, we need a ruler.

Someone in charge.

Someone to tell us what is right and wrong.

Someone to lead us against all captivity.

Someone to govern our hearts."

God complied.

He gave that generation what they wanted...

Still they weren't happy.

If I were living in the times of the Kings...

Would I follow after them?

Would I pledge my allegiance?

Almost all of them were wicked rulers, and as a result, the Israelites were almost always at war.

(Or would I have a heart like David --- chasing after the King of Kings, the God of the Universe?)

The Israelites cried out again....

"Where is my King? The one to bring peace and rest to our land?"

God complied again.

He gave them new Kings....but not for the reasons they wanted...

He sent His children into a "time out" (where they could "remember the God who delivered them, the King they had rejected"), and where they would be enslaved to several foreign Kings in foreign lands, until the Persian King Cyrus came to the throne.

King Cyrus sent them home to Jerusalem.

He allowed them to rebuild what had been destroyed...

For a season, it looked like they might not need a King, perhaps they would submit to Yahweh, their King.

But, they went back to their idols, and from then, until the fall of Rome, the Israelites were under the thumb of many Kings from many nations.

And, still they cried out for a King...

"Where is my King...

...One to defeat our enemies and rule the land with equity and in freedom?

A King who will save us from oppression...

A King like David...

A Messiah-King..."

And, of course, God complied.

The time was right.

He sent them a King.

A Messiah-King.

A God-the-Son-King.

I wonder if I would have recognized Him?

'Cause, wouldn't you know it....they didn't recognize Him.

He wasn't what they expected.

On Sunday before Passover, if asked this question, "Where is my King?"

They would have answered  -

"He's there, riding into town on a donkey."

And they would have yelled, "Hosanna to the King!"

I wonder if I would be doing the same, following the crowd....

All through the week, they waited for Him to take His throne.

All through the week, they watched.

All through the week, they wondered,

"Where is my King; and,
Why isn't He doing SOMETHING!"

 On Thursday night, the King was arrested.

On Friday He was crucified.

On Saturday they asked again,

"Where is my King?  I obviously was wrong about this man."

On Sunday, the ground shifted.

Some felt it.

Some recognized it.

Some knew with certainty there was a new King to whom they could pledge their allegiance...

THE TOMB THEY BURIED JESUS IN WAS EMPTY!

The King had come (!!!)...

...not to reign over a country...

BUT

TO FILL MY HEART!

Where is my King?

He's here.

He's alive and reigning....

He's living in my heart.

THE TOMB WAS EMPTY

BECAUSE

JESUS

CAME TO FILL OUR HEARTS!

In Pursuit of God...and Living Life ABLAZE in His Spirit

As a self-proclaimed word-nerd, I'm always looking for new (or, even forgotten old) words that express in better ways what I am attempting to say...

It's why I enjoy picking up new Bible translations (and, even paraphrases from time to time) to see how other scholars are re-phrasing familiar passages.

Now that my Bible App has thousands to choose from, I can accomplish this so much easier.

Yesterday, a sweet friend (thank you, Ronnie Arrington) posted this translation of 2 Timothy 1:6-7 on Facebook from the Holman Christian Study Bible. 

I fell in extreme-like with the word ABLAZE...

I've seen it written in other translations "to fan into flame," or, "to stir up the embers..."

That word, however, in the original text (which I have at my disposal with the touch of a digital finger) is stirring my soul this morning.

It is a compound word in the Greek: Anazopyreo.
This word is comprised of 3 different words, which you won't care a whit about (even if I do), but here they are:
1) Ana: "in the midst of"
2) Pyra: "fiery"
3) Zoon: "to live"

Paul, sweet man, is reminding his spiritual son, Timothy to "live fiery in the midst of all he is going through by using the gifts God placed in him by the Holy Spirit, boldly and without fear."

In reality, Paul is saying, in this season (imitate me), and live FIERY!

Is this not SO APPROPRIATE for our Coronavirus-season???

Me thinks the Lord is calling us all to do just this in creative and fresh new ways.

To be enthusiastic...zealous...stirred up....to not just sit in our homes complacently, but to "live fiery, bold, Christian lives" with our children, with our families, with our friends, with neighbors...and, to (as I was reminded recently) physically distance, but not be socially distant! (Thank you, Chris Smith)

Re-think by asking, "What is my spiritual gift? Where's my passion? What am I good at doing?"
"Where do I find joy in making, creating, working, baking, crafting, speaking, writing, painting, tearing apart and putting back together, serving, sharing....etc., etc., etc."

THEN, once answered, make a plan, set up a schedule, GO and DO with fire-in-your-heart and (here's another word I love) ENTHUSIASM-in-your-soul....

Even, if it feels foolish....
Even, if it feels like failure...
That's ok.
FAIL by doing in Jesus name...
Learn from failing....
and, then, FAIL BETTER! 

Do not live in fear, 
but do love,
ABLAZE 
with the gifts
God has placed
inside each and every
one of us!

There is no greater time to live out of abundance!