The Grief That Comes with Loss and Transition

What does life look like for you right now?

Recently, mine's been measured by Zoom calls, audio podcasting, blog writing, and video-taped retreat sessions...long walks, once a week grocery store visits, and working in the garden. 

Day-to-day doesn't look much different than normal, except that normally I'd have several speaking events in the queue with travel arrangements matching the locations of each event.

My calendar shows a lot of cancellations, until one event come August (and, even that is "iffy")...

For me, these feel like big losses...

There were several retreats and conferences I was looking forward to, and had been for over a year.

Those "new normal" virtual-ministry-events just aren't met with the same enthusiasm and passion as being with a group of women in person, sharing stories, commonalities, and chatting over coffee.

(my Zoom office)

Corona virus, not only ushered in a season of isolation and quarantine, it brought with it a great deal of loss and deep grief.

I was reminded of this last Thursday, on a Zoom conference with a group of global workers, most of them now back in the US for a variety of reasons.

One of the gals came home prior to the pandemic to plan and prepare for her wedding.

This highly anticipated event came crashing down, landing in smithereens, at the feet of the bride and groom back in March.

They'd hoped by May 23rd, things would be back to normal, but now they are scrambling to figure out what to do.

The families live in other states.

They all had airline tickets, but the airlines cancelled the flights.

The venue is no longer available...and, even if it were, you can't put 200 people inside within a 6'-social-distancing-required-guideline.

This little bride is GRIEVING (yes, with capital letters).

They hadn't anticipated a PLAN B....now, they are having to put one together at the last minute.

It's not the dream-wedding this young woman expected.

Everyone of us has experienced loss.

Some of us are grieving those losses harder than others.

(recent Ipad, virtual wedding)

Bay and I were a part of a virtual college signing day last Friday, as the seniors at our daughter's high school (she's a principal in Casa Grande, AZ), logged in, listened to speeches and well wishes from administration, faculty, my husband, the Mayor, and then were personally introduced, highlighted and gave presentations of their very tenuous fall plans.

Seniors have missed these rites of passage, including prom and graduation...

The expected norm's been cancelled...just like everything on my calendar.

As well, folks have lost jobs; kids have missed out on end of school activities and saying good-bye to teachers and friends; favorite restaurants have closed; and churches can't meet on Sundays...

We're afraid to anticipate what's next, because we don't want to be disappointed...

On the same day I met on the conference call with these dear global workers, I'd been in town and gone for a walk along the river. I bumped into my niece, who said, "I'm starting to worry more about the effects on mental health, than the possible physical effects of the virus."

Many are.

Those of us who have worked and lived overseas have struggled through the grief that comes with loss and transition.

From early on in my missionary career, I realized that "good-bye" highlighted the life of a missionary.

When only about three months into my first year on the field, after several immediate good-byes, I wrote in my journal describing how it was affecting me. I saw myself "roller-coastering" between one of three responses to all these good-byes:

1) I decided I wouldn't form close friendships, and just keep people at arms length, because then it wouldn't hurt so much to say good-bye in the future. (NOT a good option - to others this looks cold and calloused.)

2) I could see myself getting clingy with the close friends I did have (also NOT a good option - "clingy" tends to suffocate relationships).

3) I could stay open to what God had for me in the current season, and trust Him with the pain of loss that would be sure to come (but, what did that look like practically - that was the question????).

Global workers know exactly what it feels like to live in the repercussions of grief, loss, and transition.

It's something we all deal with regularly.

And, the good-byes, and losses, aren't just relational...I had to learn to say "good-bye" to a lot of things: a good, juicy hamburger; cherry pie; the births of nieces and nephews; four-seasons; fully stocked grocery stores; Walmart; Hobby Lobby; cultural norms; well-kept roads; upright law enforcement; an electric dishwasher, clothes dryer, phone calls to family, and, a dependable vehicle, to name a few.

But, it dawned on me, in the midst of my conference call, that it is rare Americans have to deal with loss to the extent that missionaries do on a regular, daily basis.

It doesn't mean that missionaries have it all figured out ---- they don't.

One of the best attended workshops at retreats for women who serve overseas is the workshop we offer on Grief, Loss, and Transition.

Always!

But, all of a sudden, with the present-and-post-Corona-Virus-world, in which we are now living, how to deal with these very real heart-hurts is more critical than ever (not just to a group of people living in a foreign land, but all of us who are breathing, and experiencing new losses regularly).

With this introduction, I want to dig in and re-visit how to handle loss, transition, and grief biblically in a healthy fashion.

So, let's begin, as I began, so many years ago:

Make a list of all the things that you are experiencing the loss/death of....

From friends to

Cherry Pie...

All things tangible, and even intangible (those intangible things are sometimes the HARDEST to deal with)...

It all matters to the Lord.