The Rest of the Story

As I put the editing touches on Monday morning’s blog (last week), I very clearly sensed a nudge to write “the rest of the story.”  I have to say it’s not a pretty picture of my desire to be more focused on every man, but it’s real, and it’s me…it’s who I am.  So, here’s the rest of the story…

It was a rare afternoon, where I was alone in our Phoenix apartment. I decided to spend a little time reading a novel I had picked up over the holidays.  I was all caught up on housework, the checkbooks were balanced, and the usual things that hang over my head on my to-do list were complete, so I cuddled down in my bed to read.  That’s when I heard a knock on my front door.  My initial thought was to ignore the knock and pretend I wasn’t there… However, with the apartment on a college campus, my second thought was that there might be an emergency.  So, I grudgingly got up and answered the door.

I expected to look into the eyes of a student, or one of my co-workers…but no one stood across from me.  That’s when my eyes traveled down, and I took in the upward eager face of little just-turned-six-year-old Mordecai from across the yard. 

“Hey, Mordecai, what can I do for you?”

“Hi Peg, I was wondering if I could come work with you and help you, you know, do some house work, or something.”

What does one say to that?  Especially when the eyes are huge, and sweet, and innocent, and…did I say, eager?  I could see his mom watching from the door of her apartment.  It was one of those moments where I felt an immediate war inside of me. I should invite him in and do something with him.  I didn’t have “work” to do, but I could play with him. I should give Mordecai’s mom a break from one of her four boys.  I should be a good neighbor and do the right thing.  But, the truth was, I didn’t want to do the right thing.  I wanted some me-time.  I wanted to snuggle back down in my bed and read.  So, that’s what I told him.  I was honest…

“I don’t really have any work today, Cai (I said it as sweetly as I could)…I finished my work (I felt guilty saying it, as I know his mom never catches up with her work, not with four little boys under six).  I’m taking some time this afternoon to rest.  I was just lying down on my bed with a book.  I’ll catch you another time.  Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

With that his little eyes clouded over with disappointment, he headed home, and I shut the door.  Jerk-moment.  As I sat back on my bed, I remembered the blog I had written that morning.  Every man.  Wasn’t Mordecai an every man?  In my selfishness, I had missed an every man moment and the words of the Apostle Paul weren’t even hours-old in my soul.  I had prayed to be more focused.  An opportunity had knocked, and I had missed the opportunity.  I was thinking hours, but it could have been simply minutes with an every man that could have had an eternal, memory-making impact. 

Here’s what I took away.  My morning prayer to be more Paul-like-Jesus-like was honest.  I was sincere.  That new resolve was much like purchasing a new car.  At the moment the resolve was new, I wanted to keep it fresh, and clean, and free from dents or dings.  There was a little sense of anguish over the moment when I wouldn’t get it right…when I would scratch the surface of the “new.”  We all know it’s going to happen.  I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon…

The truth is life (and every resolve we make in life), like the new car, is going to get scratches.  It’s going to get dents…sometimes they will be BIG ONES.  My life song will sometimes be played with sour notes.  When it happens, it doesn’t make me a failure, just a learner.  I’m still in training.  I’m still a Christian – a little Christ (emphasis on “little”).  Like John the Baptist, I realize that he must increase and I must decrease, but this is a process. 

There is a shop on the island of Oahu where they have a multitude of gear with their copyrighted logo: HE > I.  This is the journey I am on.  I’ll receive new truths, pray a prayer, seek to get it right, take a step in the right direction, make a mistake, wallow in my own selfishness, fall down, but not quit.  Never quit.  Stay steadfast.  Persevere.  Get it right once, maybe twice.  Fall again.  Pray again.  Keep going.  Three steps forward, one back.  It’s still progress, and HE is still in the process of increasing in me, becoming > I.  That’s the good news. 

Now, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13