For those of you, who follow regularly, you may remember that back in December, just before Christmas, I wrote a blog on a Hebrew word I'd been studying. Truth is that blog received the most hits of any blog I've written (probably because I combined the two words "tattoo" and "Christmas" in the same title, and you were curious). If you didn't read it, or want to re-reference that article, then just click on the link here: Tattoos and Christmas.
I mentioned that if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be the Hebrew word "hineni." You'll have to go to the blog to read why; it has to do with the meaning of the word. What I didn't mention is where I would have it placed. I know that, as well. It would go on the index finger of my right/write hand. That way, whenever I wrote anything, I would see it, and it would be a reminder to me, of what I long to have remain as my heart's cry...
It seems wherever I have opportunity to travel, the Lord has a way of connecting my soul with folks I meet along the way, who become "family." In the case of NBBI, there are several of those heart-connections. However, having experienced the "Dean of Women" position in my recent past, I developed a quick & heart-felt friendship with the gal who holds the same job at NBBI. So, I found one of my little "hineni-signs" and wrapped it up to take to her as a gift, since I know a huge bulk of the responsibility for me being there fell on her shoulders.
I watched as Beth opened her gift...and, to my horror, it had broken into two pieces on the flight. I'd wrapped it carefully, rolled it up in the clothes of my carry-on, but as Bay recalled, our first flight had a tight over-head bin, and he'd crammed it in, undoubtedly causing the fracture. Sigh. The broken-gift was out of my control, but I was embarrassed anyway. Immediately, I responded, "Oh my goodness, it broke...I'll send you another one." From that moment, through the day, I planned a new sign...bigger, sturdier, better...fixed. (Smile) That's just like me, wanting to cover imperfection with perfection! Get the broken FIXED! For one thing, I appreciated this friendship enough to want to match the gift to the value I felt for it.
I've been taught, that along the road of life, I need to "PAY ATTENTION TO THE TENSION." Somewhere in the midst of most of the push-pull that goes on inside me, there is generally a "burning bush" experience with the Lord. In the middle of that "burning bush" is a life lesson I need to learn...
and, I did...I learned a lesson about a broken-hineni.
That's the lesson, I leave with this blog.
The Lord has offered me, not only salvation, but His friendship.
It's a friendship, I value greatly.
Hence, I want to give back to the Lord...and, I don't want to give imperfectly.
I want my offering to be PERFECT in every way.
The best I have to present to Him.
Unfortunately, just like that little hineni-gift, I'm "broken."
I'm still in process of being made completely whole...
And, when, I offer Jesus my broken-hineni, I feel ashamed...so sometimes, I want to wait until the broken is fixed to give Jesus ANYTHING...
My broken-hineni is not much to give in response to what I've been given from Him.
Yet, it's all I have to give...
The good news is Beth graciously received my broken-hineni; and, Jesus does, too.
(The red line is where the "hineni" broke.)
(The broken-hineni on display.)
In fact, Jesus wants our broken offerings.
His DESIRE IS FOR our broken-hineni's.
Why? He works best in our brokenness and weakness.
He's most glorified in it, too.
This morning think about the blessing of brokenness.
Never resist offering your broken-hineni to the Lord to be a "sign on display" for God to use...a broken-hineni, sanctified, useful to the Master, and prepared for every good work (2 Tim 2:20-22).
P.S. I've decided to leave Beth the broken-hineni...she'll have to make do with that irreparable representation of my friendship "as is"...just as Jesus does. SMILE!