Marriage 102. Rats in the Walls.

(This meme has been floating around FB for a bit. I don't know with whom to credit it, but it makes me laugh - For certain, marriages can be most complicated.)

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When Bay and I share at marriage conferences, we almost always share a story that happened to us shortly after we built our first home in Pagosa Springs.

We had just moved in, when one night as we were lying in bed attempting to go to sleep, we heard rustling in the walls behind our headboard.

The first night, we shrugged our shoulders and ignored it. 

After several nights of this, we realized what was happening, as there was "sign" everywhere ---- we had rats (not just mice, RATS!) in our walls, and they were probably nesting, producing lots of baby rats. 

Being the "big game hunter" that he thought he was in his mind, Bay determined to eliminate them all by putting his hunting skills into play.

He tried everything - traps of various nature, Decon (c), anything anyone has ever suggested for getting rid of rats in the walls; but, as he says, they must have been Ninja rats, because nothing worked.

Finally, in frustration, he asked his dad to help.

Nelson came up with, what we considered at the time, a GREAT IDEA.

He cut a hole in the sheetrock in the garage basement of our house, and connected a hose to the exhaust of his work truck. Then, he pumped that exhaust right into the walls to poison the rats. 

Yep, it worked, perfectly.

That night - we heard nothing but the crickets outside. 

All was well for about three days. 

Somehow, my wise father-in-law forgot the natural rule of decomposition, and within a few days the smell was horrible - no matter how many candles I lit, or how much air-freshener I sprayed.

Then, disgusting as it is to even type the words, came the maggots - I found them crawling on the floor of my kitchen and out of the burners of my stove. 

Of course, eventually that was all taken care of, the wall patched, no more smell, no more maggots and life returned to normal.

For a season, our house looked incredibly beautiful on the outside, but inside was frustration, death, and decay.

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Some marriages are like that. 

Goodness, do they look perfect on the outside...but, inside there is frustration, anger, conflict, and all of this is leading to nothing more than death and decay of the marriage. 

I've known several marriages just like this...

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Why and how does this happen?

I think I've boiled it down to two main things; no, three. 

We'll just look at one for this week, and do the other two later for sake of space and length. (😉)

Key #1 for preventing rats from getting inside the walls of our marriages:

START WITH EXAMINING OUR OWN HEARTS

There's a great verse I stumbled on several years ago as I was studying through the Song of Solomon preparing to speak to a group of pastor's wives.

It’s found in chapter 2, verse 15 and reads:

Catch for us the foxes (translation: rats), the little foxes that ruin the vine... 

(in SS, the vine is allegorical for the love between the bridegroom and the bride)

Solomon is saying, take care of the little things that annoy and irritate as soon as you see the "sign." 

Don't let those things grow into big things from which there is no turning back. 

But...it starts by looking inside ourselves, before we ever address anything with our spouse. 

Nothing shows us more what is in our hearts than conflict with our spouse.

One thing is for sure, marriage reveals to us that we weren't born with angels wings and a harp in our hands.

Perhaps the opposite is true, and we come complete with horns and pitch-fork.

Somehow, the Lord uses our marriages to show us the rough edges of our own hearts, the things that need to be smoothed out and filed away.

Scripture calls it sin...and, a lot of the problem is just plain pride!

According to author, Gary Thomas in his book, Sacred Marriage, "God wants to use our spouses to make us holy, not just happy."  What a great thought to reflect on:

I'd also add...not just happy, holy and HUMBLE!!!!!

That process is not always an easy one (again, ask me how I know... 😓)

While I married a sinner, the bad news is - so did he; and, I am constantly having to ask the Lord to "Search my heart and show me the ways I am off the highway to holiness..."

More than anything, the Lord desires for His followers to be holy as He is holy as we journey heavenward, where we will, ultimately, be completely transformed into His likeness...

As I close this thought for today, take a look at the following two quotes and ponder them in light of your marriage.