What Are You Carrying?

We've had a lot of company over the last few weeks.

Great folks.

Incredible fellowship.

Deep conversations.

Sweet prayers.

Even some good old cowboy gospel singin'...

Wouldn't trade any of it, even if my little self leans to the fairly introverted side of the scale.

In the midst of all the friends and fun, my shoulders and arms have been aching for the past several months. 

I had X-rays last spring, and they didn't show much, tendonitis the doctor said.

He sent me to a PT.

She gave me some stretching exercises.

Those helped....one shoulder....but not the other (in fact, it's worse). 

Sometimes everything seems to catch on everything else inside when I move, and when it does, the hurt then causes my breath to catch. 

So, my other option is probably a steroid shot before I head out to my next speaking event (out of country). 

I'll be gone for about 18 days, then home for a few, and gone for another couple weeks (also out of country). 

But, I don't want to be like King Asa, who, although for most of his life did good things, as he got old, he became diseased in his feet. At this point, he forgot to seek help from the Lord, but went straight to the physicians (2 Chronicles 16:12). 

Since Scripture points this out, we can assume this didn't fall in the "credit-to-his-account-for-righteousness" column.

So, on Saturday night, we asked our company-in-residence if they would pray with us, and ask the Lord to alleviate the pain. Yet, if a steroid shot was a part of His will, for that to be made clear.

What precious prayers from the Lord's servants!

As my friend, Brenda, began to pray, she felt led to ask me a question: "What are you carrying that you don't need to be?"

She didn't mean physically. 

She meant in the spiritual realm, so my answer was to just be between myself and the Lord.

"Can't think of anything," I immediately thought, although as soon as that popped into my head, I felt a check in my spirit.

I knew I needed to be about some reflection, and for the next couple of days, simply nothing came to mind.

Until last night. 

For months I've been working on a new series for these two upcoming conferences (one in Malta and the next in Cyprus). 

I've been excited about it. 

The first two sessions came together easily and rapidly, but I've been unable to sit with the third session, and, in spite of having an outline, between the company and my otherwise occupied mind, nothing seemed clear. It felt quite frustrating! Burdensome, in fact. 

Then, I received an email from the "boss," who shared the situations and circumstances surrounding so many of our attendees (and, even within our volunteer ranks). 

Life has been HARD for so many of these gals. 

Somewhere in the middle of the night, I realized that even though I thought I heard the Lord clearly on what I was supposed to share, that new series needed to go onto the back burner. 

The Lord, it seems, has three totally different sessions in mind for these gals - much more appropriate for the stuff-of-life-occupying-their-minds. 

I'm certain there is a someday for the retreat I just wrote (entitled "Who Are You?"); BUT, SOMEDAY IS NOT NOW! 

As soon as I made the decision to replace what GOD MEANS for SOMEDAY in the HERE AND NOW, I felt a burden lift. 

Somehow I knew that series would be for another time and another place and another group of women, but I'd been wrestling inside my heart to make it work - HAULING ROCKS ON THE SPIRITUAL SHOULDERS OF MY SOUL.

My physical pain has been a reminder that sometimes there is a connection with a spiritual burden.

I certainly wish I could say that with that realization my "glenohumeral joints" are perfectly fine; BUT, NO...the pain hasn't disappeared...

However, the weight in my spirit is gone, and as I "let go," I sensed my spiritual shoulders relax. 

So, what is the lesson for someone who might read this random "thought?"

It's this...

In all things, at all times, in all circumstances, "pay attention to the tension" inside (who knows, maybe it is being reflected on the outside, so pay attention to that, too!).

PAY ATTENTION TO THE TENSION FOR THE LORD MAY BE TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!

The Lord may simply be attempting to reveal something new, to lighten the load you carry, to show you a better path and the next right steps.

My job / our job is to simply trust Him, seek Him, and stay surrendered with that age-old favorite Hebrew word of mine on our lips: Hineni.

Here I am Lord.

Use me.