Never Disappointed in Jesus

Years ago, I was challenged to seek the Lord, and, then, to write a mission statement for my life...

It came together rather easily as I prayerfully funneled my strengths, spiritual gifts, passions, and
Scripture all the way down to one sentence: to teach, or disciple, women whether through the written or spoken word. 

Over the years, it's been a perfect tool for wholeheartedly giving my best yes to some assignments, and an "I really am honored you asked, but I will have to decline the offer" to others.

I love giving an enthusiastic yes, especially when it comes to talking about Jesus (and the truth of Scripture). I can't tell you how it thrills my heart to share life lessons, and how the Lord has intervened in HUGE ways FOR ME!

Two years ago, I was approached about speaking at a women's retreat.

In every way, the request fit my mission statement; and, as a bonus, women's retreats are one of my favorite things to get to do.  As a teacher, I enjoy the study, the research, the putting-of-pieces together to create a series of talks...and, I can't begin to tell you how many dear friends I've made through this kind of venue over the years. Because I am not a vibrant speaker, I definitely shine when I get to build relationship with women over a series of sessions.

Anyway, the answer to this request was an easy YES!

...until the night before I was to leave for this retreat.

That night, two years post-request, I didn't want to go, which was a first for me ......................EVER!

I called Bay (who was speaking elsewhere), and told him, I simply didn't want to go.

I pulled out my journal, wrote out a prayer to the Lord, and told Him I didn't want to go.

It was easy to explain.

I didn't feel ready.

The sessions hadn't come together as easily as normal.

It wasn't that I didn't have material - I had a huge folder full of research, notes, stories, illustrations, writings, quotes, and on it went.

It wasn't that I didn't feel "prayed up."

It wasn't that I dreaded the travel, or that the size might be a bit smaller than anticipated, or that it was  going to be uncomfortable in any way...none of that factored into where I was sitting in the moment.

My heart simply didn't feel fully equipped - prepared; and, I argued, "The women who are coming deserve so much more."

It seemed that every time I sat to gather my thoughts, to put the pieces into place, to talk with the Lord about the sessions, I got no further than an outline. That outline became a wall, I just couldn't hurdle over, even though many times, I had prayed (and, preached to myself) David's words from Psalm 18:29b:

"with God's help, I can scale a wall..."

Instead of scaling anything, I seemed to keep slamming into the same wall (I even joked with Jesus about wanting just a small portion of Wonder Woman's jumping & climbing abilities). My heart wasn't a pretty picture that night.

Oh, I knew I'd go.
Even if it was a matter of obedience (I sure didn't want to be like Jonah, and while I didn't think I'd end up in the belly of a big fish, there are bears in this neck of the woods); but, I went to bed that retreat-eve longing for God's deliverance, for the purpose of His glory. My prayers had the smell of desperation.

The next morning, I had coffee with a long-time friend, passing through town.

As we talked, it seemed the Lord was giving me clearer thoughts, a sense of expectancy, even some breakthroughs on some direction for each session, and (wonder of all wonders) a sense of excitement for the weekend. God was at work on me, almost last minute, to let go, to give of myself, and to trust Him. As I drove to the retreat, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I had done my part, and the Lord would be faithful to do His.

The purpose of telling you this story, at the risk of my own vulnerability, is two-fold.
1) I want to testify to the power of prayer.
2) I desire to remind both of us of God's faithfulness, in spite of ourselves.

No one at this retreat knew of my dilemma. I had enlisted a few in-and-out-of-town-prayer warriors (the beauty of our texting-technology)...  BUT, there, at the retreat, a gal, who I would consider an "elder" (not in the sense of age, but of wisdom), under the leading of the Spirit, felt the urgency to pray over me prior to speaking. Every single woman surrounded me, and prayed for the Lord to speak, to shine His face, to bring the Words of Truth that were needed for that weekend. I experienced first-hand these words from the pen of James:

...and God brought healing to my fearful heart, and a powerful sense of His Spirit's Presence, which is exactly what I needed far more than an organization of material...

I also realized that a huge part of my problem went much deeper. There is within me such a need to be in control...to have all my speaking-ducks-in-a-row. So, to head to a retreat without my ducks lined up was frightening. I confessed my control issues to the Lord, knowing there is a balance somewhere between doing-my-part and leaving everything in God's more than capable hands:

"In Your weakness, I will be strong, for my power is PERFECTED IN WEAKNESS (my emphasis)."

Do I believe in prayer?
YES!

Do I believe in God's faithfulness, when we place our trust in Him?
YES!

I am a testimony to this fact:

What it Looks Like to Be #Blessed...

I was wading through Psalm 115 just the other morning.
It begins with heart-felt words that I pray often:

I truly desire that my life glorify God...it is, after all, the purpose behind my existence (Isaiah 43:7).

Psalm 115 also reminds me of the kind of PERSONAL, LOVING God I serve - there is NONE like Him (verses 3-9).

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My God acts, listens, speaks, moves on my behalf. 

I needed these reminders.

I have a women's event coming up this weekend, where I'll be sharing.

May God be glorified (!), but for Him to do so, I am desperate for His personal intervention on my behalf.

I still wonder "why me?"

I can hardly get out a cohesive sentence most days.

Those reminders were great timing. In fact, God's ability to bring a comforting Word is always perfectly placed.

And, His strength is also made perfect in our weaknesses. This, immediately, went through my mind:

Then, Psalm 115 surprised me.

The Psalmist actually confirmed my thoughts with these words:

The Lord has remembered us; 

He will bless us.

Even the Psalmist would have hash-tagged "blessed" on his Facebook account; and, he goes on to word-that-out.

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At this point, I was reminded of a message I heard this past July on that one word - blessed.

In our world today there are a lot of ideas about what it means to be blessed. More often, than not, it is pointed at as "luck." Luck has nothing to do with blessing...

The speaker had done an actual Facebook search using the hash-tag. So, I did the same.

The following things came up (these were the first 7), along with pictures, of course:
*our perfect family reunion - #blessed
*such a busy year thus far - #blessed
*250 new Facebook friends - #blessed
*brunch with the girlfriends - #blessed
*new super satellite TV - #blessed
*saw Lebron James on beach - #blessed

I stopped at this one: Sara Underwood's new boobs (one with nature), we think they call this - #blessed  (Oooooooooooooooooo Kkkkkkkkkkkkkk, and, sorry, there will be no picture to post here).

In our world, we consider ourselves blessed if we are able to gather more possessions, or prestige, or power, or people, or if we can manipulate our circumstances to our advantage. Then, we might say: #blessed. But:

This is not what the Psalmist meant.
It's not what New Testament writers mean, either.

The two words used for our being blessed have two different connotations.
--- the first is to be spoken well of...to be honored with words and responses
--- the second is to experience a deep sense of peace and security in knowing God's validation of me (did you read the Ephesians passage?); a sense of happiness, or an attitude of contentment found in being a Jesus-follower.

As Jesus did most times, He looked at life through upside-down-perspectacles.
He also gave us a list of what #blessed really looks like in Matthew 5.

Want to receive happy?
Here are some of Scripture's suggestions (Psalm 115 coupled with Matthew 5):

⇨ Seek God's glory for the sake of His steadfast love and faithfulness.

⇨ Recognize God's ALIVENESS (His personal responses to His children, His compassion, His care). He is NOT like any other god.

⇨ Trust Him (yield and obey). 

"Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it." 

(Lk 11:28)

⇨ Be in AWE of Him (which requires paying attention, seeking Him, hungering and thirsting for Him).

⇨ Maintain an attitude of "want-to-be-more-like-Him" - His mercy, His meekness, His pure-heartedness, His peace making.

⇨ Develop a daily Thanksgiving mind-set, rejoicing in all things (this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus!).

I am truly #blessed - in the spiritual sense of the Word - in Christ!
And, once again, I will never look at that word the same again...

God Speaks: Not Overwhelmed, Overcoming

Ever feel like some of the tasks on your to-do list are just...well, daunting...

??????????

Some undertakings are simply difficult in a multitude of ways...even when they are part of some enthusiastic YESES that fit the JOURNEY God has for my life (see last two blogs).

I (I can't assume you have my problem) lack motivation.

I lack insight.

I lack inspiration.

I lack courage (there's that fear of failure sneaking in again).

On top of it all, there are a kazillion little distractions, and it's much easier to do the small, easier task than to tackle the BIG ONE.

Somehow, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to battling THE LIST.

It's easy to postpone,
procrastinate,
put off til later...
and, then...
OH THE PRESSURE!!!
(and, I simply forget to breathe at times)

I KNOW the Lord did not make me (or any of us) to live like this...

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Of course, there are systems and methods to help us prioritize, and I've always been fairly good at organizing those types of things.

However, this week, with seven BIG TASKS ahead (that really result in wonderful opportunities for me at the completion of them). I find myself on the verge of feeling overwhelmed.

That's an interesting word: overwhelmed.
Sometimes, I've taken note, Christians use that word instead of "worry," or "fear" (those things are, after all, considered sinful) - overwhelmed seems better...safer...more spiritual.

The Psalmist even prayed:  "When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I (Ps 61:2b)."

But, to be overwhelmed means:

to be overcome by a superior foe.

Oopsies!

When I use "overwhelmed" as my go-to-word, I am declaring that my duties are far superior than my ability to master them.

Truth is, I am really saying that they are an enemy that Jesus-in-me is unable to defeat.

CONVICTED!!
There is NOTHING the Lord can not defeat!

The New Testament tells me:

in Christ I am an OVERCOMER...

This verse below, in the Old Testament, struck me this week. We've all read it, heard it, sung about it in many different choruses, so it's not new to any of us. It simply resonated with me a bit differently as I was systematizing and beginning to order my work...

With God...
I am a force to be reckoned with...

With God...
I am strong and courageous...

With God...
I am an overcomer...

With God...
no enemy (from distractions to the devil, himself) can stand!

There is only one key to not letting the to-do-list emerge the victor:

With God!

Wrestle like Jacob until I have His Presence.

Stand stubborn like Moses: "I will not go if You do not go with us."

Be fighters like Joshua and Caleb who believed without a shadow of a doubt that there was no need to be dismayed (overwhelmed), because the Lord God was with them everywhere they went.

Be determined like Paul: "The God of Peace will crush the enemy under your feet."

With God...
I will breathe again!

AND...the word overwhelmed has been abolished from my vocabulary.

You want to rethink it?

The Wrong Side of Ambition

As I begin this journey of just saying "YES!" to the right things, and finding my place in this new space of life, I recognize there's a whole new world of defining words that I have often looked at wrongly.

An example.

I am a goal-setter.
One might look at the list of goals I concocted for 2017 and think, "Wow! That's ambitious."
...and, to be honest, I've always been a bit prideful of my ambition...my goal-setting.
"Look at that which I am striving after!"
I hold it up like a medal-earned, waiting for pats on the back.
It speaks to my organizational bent.

However, I am also a goal-stopper.
I start, I quit, I begin again...repeat the process...then stop altogether.
Which means, in reality, that ambition may not necessarily be something to give a whole-hearted, YES! to chasing after.
AND...truth is that leaves me feeling GUILTY!

When Solomon talked about "chasing after the wind," ambition may have been one of those things to which he was alluding.

This week, this word "ambition" is exactly what I've been pondering...
because in truth, it isn't propelling me forward,
perhaps, even backward.

As I've reflected on the semantics of the word, wouldn't you know I ran across a statement that seemed to do two things at once:
-confirm my course of thinking;
-convict my way of living.

Here's the statement (a coincidence? I think not; more of a God-incident):

Ambition

is a word that lacks any real ambition,

ambition is frozen desire...

the current of a vocational life immobilized,

and over-concretized, 

to set

unforgiving goals.

It's ok, if you need to re-read that thought.  Believe me, I've read and re-read it, now, oh, a few dozen times for it to sink deep within my dense brain.

What really hit me is the part about frozen desire.
Yikes!

Essentially, this author is saying to me "You are lost in the middle of your mission," and "you are not even aware of it."
Why? Because of ambition...and, unforgiving goal-setting.
I have been chasing after the wind.

So, this morning (and I agree, this is semantical, but bear with me), I am saying "no" to that kind of goal-setting.
The kind of futuristic-planning that doesn't take into consideration God's mission for me...
but, instead focuses on what seems-in-the-moment more about perfection, at least in my eyes.

James, the brother of Jesus, warned about this.

So did the sage of Proverbs.

Instead, I am re-visiting God's call on my life.
(...and, I encourage you to do the same...)
I will sit, once again, with the mission statement I wrote so very many years ago, now, and which the Lord has never seen fit to change as I've aged.
I will look deeply into how to lean into that calling to the fullest extent, and have a conversation throughout each day with the Lord on how to best fulfill that mission - WHOLE-HEARTEDLY!

I will say "yes!" to those things that resonate with God's call ---  especially, as I seek to respond to each day's to-do-list.
I will embrace failure and success.
I will learn and grow, sink and stand, and because of both, move forward into new arenas.
Will there be "ambition"? Of course!
Yet, that ambition will come as a part of God's desire, His will for me, as each minute and hour of every day plays itself out.
As it does, my "yes" will turn into "fulfillment" that is deeply satisfying.

AND... I pray that the author's final words (the author I quoted above) will be true of me:

"Perhaps the greatest legacy we can leave the world from our work is not ambition..."

but, 

for me, in my words,

the privilege of passing on a courageous desire to follow Jesus one step at a time, being fully surprised by his personally, awe-spiring plan.

Say YES!

No one knows how much life is left in us.

(What a way to start a blog entry! If my girls were here, they'd call me a "Debbie Downer." Yet, I would tell you to read on, because what the Lord's been speaking to my heart is, in fact, a LIFE-LIFTER.)

However, this statement about life is an undeniable truth.

More and more, I am aware of how fragile life can be.

It's made me say many times over that, while I have breath, I want to be more present.

Pay attention more.

Soak in each day and feel the fulness of the little moments.

To live life wide-open, whole-hearted, fearless...

I laugh - "Wide open?" "Whole-hearted?" "Fearless?"

These are not words anyone who knows me would use to define me.

They would use words like: fear-filled, cautious, hesitant, insecure, comfortable-on-my-couch-in-the-corner-in-my-jammies...

Part of what holds me back is my fear of being imperfect (saying "yes," because to do something without a guarantee is very scary for me)...

I want to be a "say-yes" kind of gal, to whatever life has left for me.

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So, let me clarify something first: there are plenty of things to which I need to say "no!"

I've had to practice that word many times in the mirror.

It's been a hard word to learn.

For too long I said "yes" to requests that had left me too busy, too rushed, too overwhelmed, too tired, too enslaved to a to-do-list.

Those are toxic yeses.

There are also unhealthy yeses.

I am not the kind of gal who would say yes to rock climbing, or marathon running, or extreme skiing, or anything DANGEROUS (some things are just STUPID for me at this stage of life).

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But...I want to throw open my back door each morning and step out onto the porch to breathe in a fresh new day, and say "yes," with enthusiasm.

To say "yes" to all the Lord has for me in this brand-new-day.

To say "yes" to being a Good Samaritan, if the opportunity arises.

To say "yes" to all things JOY.

To say "yes" to long walks down unknown trails.

To say "yes" to fulfilling opportunities.

To say "yes" to making heart-connections with others.

To say "yes" to crocheting little hats for preemies in hospitals in Kenya...and being delighted in the smallness of them, and the space that making them creates to pray for these small-ones valiantly fighting for their lives.

To say "yes" to lengthy horse rides in the forest with my husband, sometimes bush-barging through places we've never been, even if it means my knees will pay the price for a short time.

To say "yes" to sitting down by the river with a cup of coffee and my journal, no matter how big my grocery list is.

To say "yes" to a spontaneous day away over the pass, to a Big Meadow, and a wonderful sit-by-a-quiet-lake to chat with a chipmunk, and listen to fish jump, and watch the love-of-my-life fish (in spite of the fact that I need to be writing seven brand new messages for two upcoming retreats).

To say "yes" to learning to paddle board (I've been saying I've wanted to go for three summers, but still haven't).

To say "yes" to taking meals to others who are out of commission.

To say "yes" to Jesus-whispers, when He sweetly says, "Come away with me, my beloved." He has! He does...often! And, sadly, sometimes my knee-jerk response is "I just don't have time."

To say "yes" to the Spirit of God, when He says, "Worship the Lord and bow down...kneel before the Lord, Your Maker, for He is YOUR God, and you are the sheep of His hand, the people of His pasture..."  AND TO DO JUST THAT!

To say "yes" to my God, when His word says, "Today (meaning: EVEN NOW) if you hear my voice, do not harden your heart..." for when you say "yes," then you will fully "ENTER MY REST."

I long to be a Say-Yes-Woman!
To make the most of each day I have.
To breathe in and breathe out a kazillion little yeses every day that make every day a Sabbath Rest.

May we never regret not saying a WHOLEHEARTED, often COURAGEOUS, YES!

Benefits of a Silent Brain

My fingers have been lightly drumming the keyboard for almost 30 minutes.
I begin typing, delete, stop, drum some more.
It's not in time to any music.
It's not because there are distractions to bother me.
It's not because I'm annoyed with interruptions.
All those have happened to cause this response before, but not this morning.
The fact is that it is eerily quiet this morning.
I'm not a fan of quiet.
Hence, the drumming of the keys.
I tend to drum in the process of waiting for something, just to fill silent moments...
...as if, by wiggling my fingers across the little letters in some rhythmic fashion will get me what I'm waiting for much quicker...

Or, maybe there's a subconscious thought that by doing something with my hands, somehow, in some miraculous way, something profound will appear on a screen where there's nothing but white and a small, blinking black cursor.
I know better.

So, as I've sat here, I've pondered the past week.
All the different ways that the Lord has spoken through His Word about random issues.
My journal documents many such truths.
Yet, there's nothing in there to document what has really been the One Thing I have wrestled with God over the most.

It's as if I write that One Thing down, then there's no going back.
The blogosphere world will now know this truth about me; and, do I really want to put it out there?
Do I want to serve this on the table as a slice of bread for us to indulge in together?
I fear I might choke.

I reckon the issue is an old-age issue, as opposed to an age-old one.
I see a lot of those occurring, so I hear myself often thinking, "Yep, I'm showing symptomatic signs of aging."
I know this, because since January I have been reading books, studying Scriptures on what that transition will be like, and what is my purpose in the midst of it all. I fancy myself something of an expert on "ziqna and seba" (old age and gray hairs).
But, what no book has mentioned...
What no one I've talked with has brought up...
What has caused me the most.........frustration...........is this:

My mind has shut down.

(Gasp!)
I used to never have a quiet moment up there in my head.
My thoughts ran rampant.
I needed my journal to corral thoughts like wild horses.
But, over the last few months, it's been like the morning: eerily quiet.
There were probably a kazillion times I would pray for a quiet mind.
Yet, the truth is that because my mind was so full, it wasn't difficult to put the pieces together for things like blogs, or books, or retreat messages.
Now, it's like I've walked out to the car to start the engine and the battery is dead.
And, just like when the car won't start, I have to resort to jump start the engine, I do the same for my brain.
Good, brisk walks help jump start the brain-motor and get 'er going.
BUT, HONESTLY? It's a little bit frightening, because this is so new to me, and a fairly recent occurrence.

So, of course, I've talked with the Lord about it.
Presented the issue in light of the Word, because I think God speaks in different ways to all issues we face.
So far, He has whispered a few ideas for me to reflect on as I walk this new and different road.

1) He has always declared, "Be still....and know that I am God." Being still doesn't just mean "body."  To be still is a condition of the heart and mind. I've mastered the body part, sometimes the soul part, but until now, never the mind. What if this new condition means my knowledge of God increases exponentially?

2) As we know, the Lord speaks in a "still, soft voice."  God has always spoken in whispers so gentle, I must listen with an undistracted mind. What if the fact my mind has shut down allows me to hear the God-whispers more often?

3) "In quietness and trust will be your strength." That word quiet means to be idle, to have an undisturbed mind, an attitude of rest. Again, it's not just body... Just because I am sitting doesn't mean I have accomplished "quietness." So another question: What if this new "undisturbed, uncluttered mind" means for me my strength, fortitude, "grit" for life also increases exponentially?

4) "A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace..." If what I want to define my life at the end of my life is "godly character" then I must sow wisely with an attitude of peace. I camped out on this passage a little bit longer than the others. The brother of my Lord Jesus, James, is writing about wisdom (James 3:13-18). He's defining for us what a wise believer looks like in the world. He's separating earthly wisdom from heavenly wisdom. They are quite different. The key is that the wise among us start with a mind that is still, quiet, uncluttered, undisturbed, and at rest. What if, God has allowed my mind to shut down for the purpose of sowing His wisdom within me?

I may not like the quiet...but if the results of the silence I'm experiencing lead to hearing the voice of God, knowledge, strength and wisdom, I'm all in!  And...maybe, just maybe, I should have sought it sooner.

Did We Do God Justice Due This Week in Celebration?

This has been an event-filled week.

As the earth spun quietly, moving from night to day, in it's normal order, just as the Lord created it to do...Bay and I gathered with a group of believers in a little brown church, in rural America, to celebrate a historic moment celebrating 90 years as a church body...

(Bay's Uncle John, Grandpa Fred's oldest son, in front of the Burton Church)

Bay's grandpa had been a missionary at that church in her conception...

The day Bay's Grandpa Fred had passed away, unbeknownst to him (because he was away at a church camp), Bay had surrendered his life to ministry.

(All of Fred's children, still living, along with spouses, were in attendance!)

When his mama picked him up from camp, and told him the news of his grandpa's passing from earth to heaven, Bay had said (he doesn't remember, but his mom tells us regularly), "Well, I guess I'll just have to take over for Grandpa!"

The baton had been passed from Fred Barnes to Fred Bayard.

This weekend, Bay stood behind the same pulpit.

It felt like a big deal...

The "moon," in a sense, passed in front of the "sun" for a moment in time on Sunday morning...

And, the celebration in worship was nothing short of MOVING!!!!

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On Monday, the moon, in reality, did pass in front of the sun.

The last time this happened was June 8, 1918.

So, this was a BIG DEAL!

We were traveling, and while we saw the earth grow hazy, and glanced up to see the moon moving in front of the sun, we were not in its direct path.

However, thanks to NASA, I watched the movie.

I saw the pictures.

The world began to show little crescent moon shadows on the ground.

It appeared the sun was setting...and then, boom, in the middle of the day it turned to darkness.

Friends, who stood poised for the moment, posted later, even the birds seemed confused, and everything went totally quiet.

I was spellbound by a video...I'm sure everyone and everything on the ground in its path had to have been, as well.

 

As I watched, my mind traveled to a passage in Mark. I've copied the words from Mark 15:33-39...

And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” And some of the bystanders hearing it said, “Behold, he is calling Elijah.” And someone ran and filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink, saying, “Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to take him down.” And Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw these things, he said, “Truly this man was the Son of God!”

Truly, this man was the Son of God!

Sunday was a grand day of worship.

Monday should have been, as well.

That morning (the 21st), I had read Psalm 81. Asaph, one of King David's choir directors, had penned these words:

Sing aloud to God our strength; shout for joy to the God of Jacob! Raise a song; sound the tambourine, the sweet lyre with the harp. Blow the trumpet at the new moon...at the full moon... 

Asaph goes on to remember God's works on the behalf of the people, basically instructing that when the moon makes its grand showing, all should celebrate with awe, wonder, and loud worship, what the Lord has done for His children.

What grander moment in history to remember God's works on our behalf?

What a perfect time to remember that this man, Jesus, truly was the Son of God!

Throngs traveled miles to see this phenomenon eclipse (#solareclipse2017).

And, I wonder...how many of us celebrated the Lord in worship that was nothing short of MOVING?

What an opportunity-missed!

...and I was one.

Oh, that we never miss opportunities to point to the Son, who moved Himself in the path of the Sun, on a hill so far away, to lay down His life on our behalf...EVER AGAIN!

That is a phenomenon worthy of the kind of celebration Asaph talked of...