"Magic Always Comes with a Price" - Do the Work, Clean out the Backpack!

After the shame debacle I wrote about last week, I decided to take a deeper look into the backpack I so often haul around. As I dug, I pulled out a lot of stuff… I thought that maybe by examining what I put in there, I’d find a correlation, and, ultimately an answer. A magic wand would be nice. I can’t tell you how often I’ve wished for a magic wand that I could simply wave and “poof” the magic would appear – my yuckiness would be fixed, marriages would be restored, children would be obedient, cancer would disappear… However, I’ve learned by watching the TV series, Once Upon a Time, that “Magic always comes with a price, dearie.”  I’m not sure I’m willing to pay that price, so back to the digging and cleaning out my backpack. Probably that’s the better of two evils…

As I sort, I find several things in common:

All of it is heavy.

All of it makes me uncomfortable.

All of it is very conflicting & confusing.

Every item is destructive.

Every piece is corrosive & eats away at the very part of me that thinks I can change and do better (you see that’s the difference between shame and guilt – guilt is constructive and propels us forward – not so, shame).

Everything I pull out is an embarrassment (which readily becomes shame); so, I want to run and hide, and if not able to do that, for sure I feel the need to self-protect.

Those are the human responses to the things I’ve placed inside…

But where does everything in that backpack come from? Who put it in there, really?

That’s what is probably the most obvious to me in a rational moment. At the time shame is consuming me, however, it’s not quite so obvious.

There’s a neuroscientist by the name of David Eagleman.  He has written this statement, “There is an ongoing conversation among the different factions in your brain, each competing to control the single output of your behavior.”  He goes on to divide these factions into two warring parties between what we know to be wise (something Solomon taught us in Proverbs) and our emotional responses (something King David talked a lot about in the Psalms).  Both parties battle for control of our behavior (and what goes into the backpack), but when emotions are screaming the loudest, they can tip the balance of our decision making EVERY TIME!  Another author, Brene Brown, calls these warring parties, Gremlin Voices.

Answer to the above question: I.PUT.THE.SHAME.INSIDE. There's no pointing fingers elsewhere!

It’s good to know these things. It’s good to have a background. Here’s why – when I’m consumed with the stuff I’m hauling around in the backpack, I forget the WISDOM. Wisdom scampers to a corner, and the little emotions take control. I don’t want to be ruled by emotions. I want to choose wisdom. So, if I can learn to recognize what’s happening quicker (because I’m more educated), I won’t put one more thing in that ridiculous backpack. I give it to the Lord so He can redeem my mistakes.

The question now becomes, how: how do I quit hoarding shame?

As soon as I jotted that question down in my journal, I thought of this verse in Hebrews 12: 2 - Jesus scorned the shame.

That tells me, Jesus knew shame, too. He felt it. He wrestled with it. He was tempted to throw it in a backpack and haul it with Him up Calvary.  BUT JESUS didn’t. He scorned it. He took control over the warring parties in His brain.  Those Gremlin Voices never had a chance to speak up, because Jesus chose to not listen to them. Shame never had a chance to go anywhere with Him.  

Now that is something to ponder…

(so come back…I’ve discovered MORE!)